I've been wanting to blog for sometime now. I'm not a great writer and have never pretended to be. I'm not writing to gain attention or sympathy. I would just like to share how I feel after losing my mother.
It's not a feeling I've ever felt. The emptiness I feel inside from knowing I'll never see or talk to her again. The grief has been beyond weird. It still hasn't fully sank in with me yet. My mother and I were extremely close and I'm at peace with the fact that she is no longer suffering. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in July and on her adrenal gland also. She passed away February 7th. It happened so fast. I'd have never thought at this time she would be gone. I've struggled with this. Struggled with the reality of it and struggled with what really happens in the after life. Where is she? Is she at peace? Does she see me? Can she read my mind? These thoughts keep me awake at night and they sadden me so. It is so uncomforting not knowing the answers to my questions. Cancer is a total bitch and there is nothing to cure it. It ate my mother, her heath and eventually took her soul from this earth. The only advice I really have for a person who loses their parents is try to stay strong and not think of these things. Try to just imagine and believe whatever will bring you peace because these thoughts will keep you up at night and consume you're life and you're thoughts. Just know that the grief comes and goes along with the sadness. Things will remind you of them and you will become sad. Not a single second goes by in the beginning that you will not think of them. My mother hasn't been gone long but I don't think that will ever change. I see her in everything I do. I feel her everywhere. Not talking to her is the worst. I need her and she just isn't here. Nothing can change that. Nobody will ever take her place. Nobody ever could. They just can't and never will hold a candle to her. The love she gave me and my brothers. Everyone she met. She was hands down the most amazing person and mother she could be and for that I am beyond blessed and forever grateful. If there is a God he certainly gave us the best mother a person could ask for. Forgetting her will just never be a option.
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